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The Gift of Ben

Loving through Imperfection

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On a hot, New England summer day in 2014, tragedy befell author Lindsey Rogers-Seitz and her family when her husband inadvertently left their fifteen-month-old son, Benjamin, in the back seat of their car all day where he then passed away from the heat.


With raw emotion and grit, Lindsey chronicles the aftermath of her son's death in this debut memoir as she and her husband explore the intricacies of unimaginable pain, love, and the challenges of forgiveness on the other side of broken. She skillfully weaves in her personal experiences with manic depression and the mutual support and love found throughout her marriage.


Aside from overwhelming grief and loss, the family also had to deal with the media and public scrutiny due to the emotionally-charged and highly politicized nature of Ben's death. We learn of their grueling journey navigating the legal system and battles with child protective services, through which Lindsey was profiled and discriminated against due to her history with mental illness.


After years of reflection and healing, Lindsey finds her path to self-acceptance, as the love she found in her son's life gives her the power to, in turn, love herself. That is the love of a son for his mother-the gift of Ben.

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    • Kirkus

      Following the death of her child, Rogers-Seitz searches for hope in this debut memoir. The author's 15-month-old son, Ben, died when his father forgot to drop him off at day care, leaving him in a swelteringly hot car. The author, a lawyer who had struggled with mental illness for much of her life, describes her slow, "meticulous unraveling" that followed. Two months after Ben's death, Rogers-Seitz sought out the "purity and peace" of Colorado with the hope of finding her "way back to Ben." The author recounts how her journey turned her into an "experimenter"; experiences during a reiki session suggested the possibility that there could be a "pathway" to Ben, which in turn led her to meditation. The breakthroughs she experienced following this practice allowed her to feel "the beauty of being alive," a sense of forgiveness, and a reconnection with God. Rogers-Seitz's memoir leads the reader through the murky depths of a psyche confronted with unthinkable tragedy. Her approach to the material borders on the poetically abstract while retaining a clear sense of meaning: "My mind fell out of itself when I finally heard the words 'He didn't make it.' " Acutely and emotionally observant, the author possesses a rare ability to pinpoint and convey the debilitating emotions and sensations associated with intense grief: "My body is lead; I am glued to the ground. I am becoming the ground and the stucco wall behind me. It is scratching my back. I am lost." The narrative arc of the memoir from darkness to light is emphasized by an effervescence that enters the prose when Rogers-Seitz finds hope through meditation: "A pinpoint light. I concentrated on the luminescence. I'll call it my angel, I thought. My angel is light." This memoir may not resonate with metaphysical skeptics, as the author's road to hope is founded on a firm belief in the spiritual realm. However, this remains a profoundly moving debut that may offer solace to others grieving the loss of a child. Expressive, courageous writing that wrests insight from the depths of grief.

      COPYRIGHT(2023) Kirkus Reviews, ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. (Online Review)

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  • English

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